Gamma Knife Radiation Treatment for Brain Tumor

Before Radiation

Early this morning I arrived in Dallas to have my first brain radiation treatment. I was told when I met with the oncologist radiologist this would be a one and done procedure. Earlier this week his nurse called me and said I might need two treatments. To my surprise this morning, after getting the MRI, I was informed I would need 5 treatments. The tumor is 2mm from the optic nerve and we don’t want to risk damaging my vision. It seems like the tumor must have grown since the last MRI a few weeks ago as it wasn’t near the optic nerve then. 

I’ve never had a problem with getting an MRI until today. I haven’t had that many but when they put the mask frame over my face and slid me in I panicked. I was having trouble breathing and pushed the call button multiple times. The guys came in and I was crying. I asked if they could please find my husband. I wanted Collin to be there. The tech offered a mirror on the mask shield so I could see out when I was in the MRI machine. That helped a whole lot. Collin came back and assured me that I’d be okay. I only needed one with contrast so it was 15 minutes.

Then I went to get the worst mask of my life made. It was a warm plastic thing that they molded tightly to my face. The ends have bolts that they bolt to the table I lay on. I cannot move my face at all. Blinking is a struggle as the mask covers my eyes some. I cannot talk because my chin is securely in there and it’s covering part of my lips. I’m laying on a hard board. It was rough getting fitted for it.

Then I met briefly with my doctor who said I’d need 5 radiation treatments and they’d be around 20 minutes each. That ended up not being true. We went to eat breakfast with my dad and two friends who came to support us during this treatment. Meanwhile my doctor met with the neurosurgeon to go over my treatment plan. I barely finished eating breakfast when they called me back to begin. The nurse told me that the treatments would be 35 minutes long, not 20 minutes. 

Shortly after laying down on the table the nurse started tightening the mask to my face. All of the sudden I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing, I could only grunt. I told her through grunts to get me out of there. She did and I sat up in tears. I got my shoes and ran crying to the room where Collin and my dad were sitting. I told them I didn’t think I could do it. I don’t like things on my face, covid masks used to really bother me and they were loose and airy. This mask reminded me of some of the things I witnessed in torture museums in Germany. The nurse came in and said let’s wait 20 minutes and try again to give the medicine time to fully absorb. 

20 minutes later I was back on the table. I was deeply breathing in and out through my nose praying I could make it through this. They did a CT scan then the gamma knife machine opened up and I went inside. I was able to listen to music and asked to listen to Christian music. It was tough, I have never been claustrophobic until being in my 40s. I was super uncomfortable to say the least. My husband sent a message requesting people to pray for me. My head hurt against the back of the table. My face hurt from the mask pressed firmly on it. In fact, afterwards I had a Chick-fil-A fry face, aka Jesus fry face. It was really one of the worst experiences of my life. I will be so grateful when this is all over. 

I appreciate the prayers and am happy to be done with the first treatment. The prayers really helped. I counted the songs as they played to try and track when I could be released. I’m grateful that Collin brought me, Dad came, Randall, and Tarron came as well. 

Isaiah 41:10 states, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand".

Before my panic attack - this is the Gamma Knife Machine

MRI Machine

The Awful Gamma Knife Mask - it goes on extremely tight for treatment

Chick-fil-A French Fry Face after treatment

My tumor that has grown close to the optic nerve...grrr. I hope this tumor dies!

The room where I had a runaway bride/runaway patient experience

Heading to treatment

Markings of a hopefully successful treatment

Radiation Options and Decision

After meeting with the first oncologist radiologist, I went home and cried for the next two days. I also decided to get two more opinions. Having a brain tumor is not fun. Brain radiation is serious and there are risks and side effects that could occur and will occur. Knowing that it most likely will only be a matter of time before my pituitary gland starts failing and I'll need to be on hormone supplements is quite depressing. I'm going to share my Facebook update and and then a 4th opinion as well. My advice for any medical care is that if you're uncomfortable with something, get another opinion if you can. The 3rd leading cause of death in America after heart disease and cancer is medical errors and injuries. Not only that but side effects from medical treatment can be lifelong. Even if someone doesn't die from medical injuries they could have permanent damage done. Please say a prayer for me if you think about it. I have a pretty big decision to make and I'd like to make the right one.

At my 3-month post check-up from my brain tumor surgery, we discovered I have a pretty large residual tumor. I've been referred to get radiation to hopefully kill it so it will stop growing. I've seen three different oncologist radiologists. They each have a different approach. There are always side effects to radiation treatments, usually they are long term but some are short term. Radiation to the brain is scary to me. My tumor is benign, thankfully. However, that doesn't stop it from growing and if it continues to grow surgery would be needed again. I feel better than I have in many, many months. I am not on any medication but after radiation there's a high probability of needing hormone replacements for life. This is not a door I wanted to walk through so I'm really having to try and give it to God. Lots of prayers and studying. Several close friends have been praying for me but I'd love more prayers if you think about it. I want to be as comfortable and confident as possible going into this.

Here are my options.

Doc1: 5 treatments with TrueBeam (this is similar to Cyberknife) every other day. He told me if I wait too long he may not be able to offer me 5 treatments and would have to up it to 25 treatments for example. He seems like the most conservative of the 3. I left his office and cried for the next 2 days. He said he almost guaranteed my thyroid hormones would be damaged.

Doc2: 3 treatments with TrueBeam, same dose as doc 1 but done in 3 sessions vs 5 to make sure we kill this thing. (I thought she had Cyberknife but they upgraded their system and TrueBeam seems to be the new machine in this area). She also said she'd prescribe a steroid to take before treatments. She said doc1's recommendation was puny. But are higher doses of radiation really better or safer? I really liked this doctor.

Doc3: He's in Dallas and thinks he could do 1 dose with Gamma Knife. It would most likely be a one day trip. This would be the highest amount of radiation which long term isn't always good. This doctor said the other recommendations would have similar outcomes. Gamma Knife radiation has been around the longest and I wouldn't have to have the bolts in my head. This doctor was very knowledgeable as well.

If this were you, what would you choose?

On another note, a nice man from Nigeria told me he could cure me with some roots for only $100 USD.

Doc4: I decided to seek a 4th opinion from my primary care physician. He told me if it were him he'd go with option 3, the Gamma Knife in Dallas. His reasoning was very similar to my reasoning of why I went to Dallas in the first place to talk to the doctor. The gamma knife is the oldest radiation for brain tumors. The fact that they recently stopped having to place bolts in a patient's head makes it less barbaric in my opinion. I think if that was what I'd need I'd go with option 2. The Dallas doctors are excellent and treat more of my kind of tumors than anyone else in the area. He also said it wouldn't hurt to take the roots from the guy in Africa if I wanted. He read over what they were and said it couldn't hurt. Embarrassingly I tried to purchase the roots from Africa and paypal blocked my payment. The guy in Africa told me I could go to a gas station and get a gas card to send money that way. Something didn't feel right so I'm not going with the roots. I take several supplements for brain health and will continue drinking smoothies and fresh juices as well as walking to give my body the best chance possible.

In the end, I pray that God is glorified through this. Having a brain tumor was never on my list of wishes. However, God is faithful and I'm trusting in His plan for my life. Please pray Jeremiah's prayer of deliverance for me and with me. This is such a great verse to pray over anyone going through issues needing to be healed from. 

Jeremiah 17:14: "Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise."

3 Months Post Op from Brain Tumor Removal Radiation

The past few weeks have been very busy with multiple doctor appointments and the MRI scans. Most of my life I have been healthy and able to avoid going to the doctor. I'm mourning that life. I love and appreciate doctors but I do not enjoy seeing them for health reasons. I have a number of doctor friends and enjoy their company but that is different. 

The positive news is my vision has been restored since removing the pituitary tumor. Praise God for that! The follow-up with my endocronologist went well, my blood work is great and I was able to get off the steriods. Another huge praise to God.  Unfortuantely, I have a residual tumor and it's quite big. It's 1.8x1.4x1.4cm. My neurosurgeon was concerned about the residual tumor and I knew since the beginning that radiology was a possibility I just thought it would be years away. Due to the size I was referred to an oncologist radiologist.

This afternoon I met with an oncologist radiologist. Oncology rooms are very depressing. Cancer sucks and there's not a nicer way to say that. Thankfully my brain tumor is not cancerous, however, it's an agressive tumor. Benign brain tumors are like spongues and when they start growing they grow like a spongue and want to fill the space they are in. This can cause issues with other areas around where the tumor is growing such as the pituitary gland, optic nerve, carotid artery, all my case. Radiation is not something I want. I feel great, my labs are great, and this is such a difficult decision. The doctor said if I do the radiation now, we can do 5 sessions. If we wait 3-6 months and the tumor continues to grow and/or grows into another area, I might need 25 sessions. What I'm getting is called stereotactic radiosurgery that uses multiple beams of radiation to target and destroy abnormal tissue in the brain. I have an appointment on Thursday to get fitted for the mask, get imagery done, and some labs. 7-10 days after that I will have this treatment for 5 days every other day. The most common side effect is hair loss. I wish I wasn't vain but I guess I am because the thought of losing my hair is awful. I won't be able to wash my hair but once a week for two weeks then water for two weeks after.

Please say a prayer for me. I am scared. There are long-term effects of radiation including my thyroid being destroyed. That's another likely side effect. I'm really upset about this and am not doing well thinking about it.     

2 Week Update from Brain Tumor Surgery

Today marks two weeks from my brain tumor surgery. As Dave Ramsey says, “I’m doing better than I deserve.” Truly, when I think of how things could have gone, I feel very blessed that God has given me the best possible outcome from this surgery. A few days after surgery, I thought I might die when we went to the ER but since getting some proper pain medicine and giving my body more time to adjust to the steroids, I’m feeling better than I have in months. My vision is better than I remember it being. I honestly did not realize how blind I had become and I am so thankful to God for that and all the prayers everyone has prayed for me. 

Tonight, I’m hoping to be able to lay flat to sleep. Sleeping on an elevated slope is not comfortable. I am a stomach sleeper so it’s been rough but I’m so tired by the end of the day that I end up sleeping well despite the discomfort. 

I had so many fears going into surgery. People tell me I don’t even look like I’ve had surgery. I had transsphenoidal endoscopic surgery, which means they went through my nose,  sphenoid sinus to access the sella turcica to remove the tumor. It was a two surgeon operation. An ENT surgeon went through my nose to the brain and the neurosurgeon removed the tumor from the brain. You might remember that after I met with the ENT surgeon he told me I have a deviated septum. He said he could fix it for me. However, after looking at what that surgery involved I didn’t want it. My PCP told me he didn’t recommend an additional surgery as my body needed to focus on healing from the tumor being removed. Thankfully, the ENT was able to shave part of the part in my nose to get the tools through and save me from splints and the excessive packing involved in a septoplasty surgery. That surgery can always be available at another time if I wanted it–it probably won’t happen unless one day I absolutely needed it. When the neurosurgeon was removing the tumor, the tumor fell apart. It had deteriorated the bone and wall that was holding it in. I got into surgery at the right time. If we had waited the tumor would have continued to eat the bone and saddle and grown into the optic nerve more.

I want to thank everyone who has called, messaged me, come by to visit, brought us food, and prayed for us. I am unable to bend over or lift anything over 5 lbs, blow my nose, strain, sneeze, and drink from a straw for 4-6 weeks. Collin has been a blessing taking over my roles plus his. I appreciate the extra help we’ve received as well. I didn’t realize how often I bend to pick something up until I’m not supposed to bend over. This week I’ve felt like walking and it’s been recommended that I try to walk 1-2 miles a day until I get back to walking what I used to. The first week I didn’t walk more than 1k steps a day. I meet with my surgeon on Monday so I’ll give another update then. I’m taking a pretty large dose of steroids 3x a day. I’m eating more than my teenage son, so I really do need to walk. Haha. I mostly wanted to give an update and let everyone know I’m doing well and appreciate and love you all so much. 

ER Visit Post Brain Tumor Surgery

ER Visit Post Surgery

I appreciate the prayers so much. It's been a tough recovery. Collin took me to the ER early this morning. I had a severe headache that woke me a little before 3am. I took my pain medicine and put an ice pack on my head and the pain only got worse. After I started vomiting, Collin called the nurse helpline and they said come back to the ER at the hospital where I had the surgery. They had to do a CT scan and blood work. They pumped me full of terrible medicine that made me extremely dizzy and sick. They also gave me nausea medicine. Unfortunately my headache didn't go away.

After my headache returned in full force, the doctor gave me a migraine cocktail along with the kitchen sink and an IV. Finally my headache subsided. They sent me home with another kind of pain medicine that would work better for the migraine type headaches. I get various kinds of headaches and apparently need different medications for them. They told me to go ahead and see my endocrinologist because they can test hormone levels and see what else is going on. I don't have an infection thankfully. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist tomorrow late morning. My white blood cell count is high but that's pretty normal after surgery. There's no CSF leak, thankfully. I slept all afternoon. I appreciate the texts, calls, food, and messages. I will try to respond when I can if I haven't already.

I'm thankful my sister and dad were about to help with my kids today. I appreciate those who offered to help as well. We had to leave the younger two at home when we headed to the hospital early this morning with a note. They both came while we were driving to the ER. Maybe I can just sleep for a few weeks and feel better. I feel like I've been hit by a bus to be honest. I'm so grateful to be alive and able to see but my body doesn't do well with medicine and I'm not feeling great.

Surgery was Successful!

Thank you for the love and prayers!

I want to thank everyone again for the prayers. I love documenting miracles and there is no doubt in my mind that God orchestrated a miracle in my life. One, I have 3 healthy and beautiful children. I have so many health markers that would make childbearing impossible, it was difficult and not without many miscarriages. But God heard my prayers. Many people with this kind of brain tumor cannot have children. Granted mine most likely grew after my kids were born but still how terribly sad. Knowing this makes having children truly a gift.

Secondly, when I unexpectedly discovered I had a brain tumor on October 18th, my life quickly changed. I went to the ER and the doctor asked when I had a CT scan last, I told him I never had. That's when we discovered I had a tumor. He called me the next day, gave me his cell phone number and told me how important it was to find a neurosurgeon the next week. He said if I needed any help he'd help me. He gave me a few names, one being Dr. Lee, who is one of the best neurosurgeons in FW. I had my primary refer me and the ER doctor made a personal call and I got in to see him. Dr. Lee referred me to an ophthalmologist, endocrinologist, ENT surgeon who would perform the surgery with him.

That following Monday I got an MRI which said I had a brain tumor, a brain cyst, and a possible brain aneurysm. My church family prayed. I discovered I have an enlarged vein that gives the appearance of a brain aneurysm. We discovered I lost 75% of my peripheral vision on my left side and 25% on my right. There have been signs something was wrong for months. This whole school year has been very difficult for me.

Several weeks before I found out about the tumor, I couldn't do the elliptical at the gym and didn't understand why I was so out of shape. I failed the cognitive test and was told this tumor was cutting off blood to my brain and I wasn't allowed to drive anymore. That's why I couldn't do it. That's why driving was so exhausting. I was told I could lose my sight if I didn't get this tumor removed. There was a risk I could lose my vision with the surgery. We didn't know where the tumor was coming from but knew it was 10% abutted to my optical nerve and surrounded the pituitary gland, and on the carotid arteries. Surgery sounded risky and a bit scary. But God was there.

Friends stepped in and volunteered to take my kids to their classes, take me to doctor's appointments, tests, took me to lunch, brought my family dinner, and have brought some freezer meals and set up a meal train for a month as I recover. This is God working through others. This is what Christians do for others. We are the hands and feet of Christ. These friends aren't just people I go to church with. Although the majority are because I have the best church family. These are also friends from co-op, AHG, and as far back as high school. Friends hired a maid to clean my house while I was having surgery. Friends are loving on my kids to let me read. I'm also grateful for all the prayers. Prayers from all over the world, friends near and far. God has heard our prayers.

Dr. Lee told me this morning he was able to get all of the tumor he could see. He said it was bursting out of the bone and area that protects the pituitary gland and optic nerve. He said the wall to the tumor was disintegrating and easy to remove. One he removed the tomorrow he said my optic nerve relaxed. He said it was really easy to remove and came apart easily. He didn't get a picture but said it was colorful. Part of it was light pink and other parts gray. The first thing I said when I opened my eyes in the OR was that I could see! That became my number one prayer. My hormones could be messed up but my pituitary gland is still intact, there's a possibility that Dr. Lee removed the tumor and didn't damage this gland. He said this morning he's just doing the Lord's work. He prayed over me and I truly believe he is doing exactly what God called him to do. And with the help of the Lord has the helped many people giving God the glory.

I'm a huge believer in prayer. I asked Dr. Lee and the nurses who helped me after the surgery what we could pray for them about. Dr. Lee that he's about to continue to have good health to serve the Lord, Nurse C for his wife and baby due in early February, and Nurse L that her 45 year old daughter call her and seeks her out. We're all going through similar struggles. But when we join together we are not alone. There was a patient airlifted last night, a patient code blue and a patient code TTC. I was honored to be there to pray for those people and the medical doctors and nurses that assisted them.

God doesn't always answer our prayers how we want. I know many of you have gone through very difficult times. I have too. I've been on the floor weeping from the loss of my unborn babies, my mother, brother, grandparents, and friends. I also know that we are all still here. We are still on this earth and able to serve others and bring glory to God. Maybe you need help. If that's the case, that's okay. Let's get together and get you the help you need. Or talk with a close friend. You don't have to live alone. After you're healed you'll be about to serve others.

These special friends and family came to be with Collin McCormick during my surgery and some stayed to visit afterwards. I know others of you wanted to see me in the hospital when I was out of ICU but I was about to go home today. My pain was mostly coming from all the IVs in my hands and the only way to get them out was to go home. Thankfully my vitals were all good and I was cleared to be discharged. I have to limit my contact with others for a few weeks to avoid getting sick and to rest. My nose is sore from them removing some bone in my nose. My throat hurts and talking is a little painful. I can't bend over or pick up anything over 5 lbs for at least 4 weeks or sneeze. But my vision is better than it's been in a very long time. I have my post op appointment in a few weeks and feel certain I'll be able to drive again soon. We love and appreciate you all!

I want to thank my sister and friends who helped with the kids while I was having surgery and in the hospital and recovering at home.

Marisa's Vision has Returned

What I shared on Facebook after surgery:

I just got a CT scan at 3:30am and probably won't sleep much more tonight. I appreciate all the prayers. My biggest prayer request was that I could see and not be blind. God has given me that and more. I have a lot of IVs in my hands, so it's hard to hold my phone very long. I will answer texts and messages later. But I wanted to give an update to let everyone know that I am okay. I got to see two of my kids this evening. One advantage of having a girl who looks older is nobody asked her age when she arrived. Many friends and family came up during my surgery and God has surrounded us with more blessings than I thought it was possible. My nose is a little bloody still and I can't wear my glasses very long because of the pressure on my nose. But from my understanding it sounds like they got the tumor out. I really didn't want to get the septoplasty unless required to get the brain tumor out. Thankfully, the ENT surgeon was able to just shave some of the bone inside my nose to avoid that extra surgery. I'm so grateful for that. I'll let Collin share the cool news about the optic nerve and how the tumor was breaking through a bone or something and crumbled. He's with me in the surgical ICU but is asleep thankfully.

I'm going to lay back with my eyes closed again. I'll share pictures when these IVs are out of my arms and hands. It's quite impressive what they can monitor. Thank you again for all the prayers. I appreciate those who came up to the hospital to be with Collin while I was in surgery as well. And I enjoyed seeing some of you. I've prayed that if God can use this event to share His love and faithfulness with at least one person, it will all be worth it.

Marisa Made it Through Surgery!

Post from Collin:

Marisa is alive! After surgery and some time in a recovery room while waiting for a room in Neuro ICU, I finally got to see her. She's doing well. She is excited that she can see! Thank you for your prayers! God is great!

Surgery is Tomorrow!

Tomorrow it the Big Day!

Early tomorrow morning is the big surgery day. I got a call around 4pm this evening to go back to the hospital to redo a CT scan. This wasn’t in my plans this evening but in life we have to be flexible. I’m so thankful to my friends and sister who are helping with my kids while I’m in the hospital. I’ve enjoyed spending time with various people these past few weeks and am so grateful for the love shown to us. Thank you all so much for the love and prayers.

Many of you have asked how I’m doing. Honestly, not great but I’m trusting God. That’s really all I can do. I’m not looking forward to this surgery. I’ve told Collin several times I’d rather not do this, but honestly there’s no other way around it. The tumor will only grow and I could lose my complete vision, and continue to have the other issues I’m having if it’s not removed. That’s a frightening thought! I’m trying to be brave for my kids. Everyone’s outcome is different. The pituitary gland is the master gland of our bodies. It seems to have some kind of control over every aspect of our bodies. For such a small gland it really is a powerhouse! And I want to encourage each of you, that even though we each play what we feel like is a small role in this world, we actually have a huge impact on those around us. Like the pituitary gland, we can make things easier or harder on those around us. We can bring joy to others or make someone’s day worse by how we respond, including in traffic. I want to encourage each of you, my dear friends, to do something nice for someone else tomorrow or today-if you’re reading this on Thursday, my surgery day. If you read this after my surgery is over, go ahead and do something nice for someone that day too. In fact, I’d love for each of us to everyday try and show kindness to others.

I won’t know how my life will be changed until after my surgery. It could take several months to fully know how my life will be different. Tonight I’m going to meditate on my faith in the Master Healer. Jesus said in Matthew 17:20: “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” I often wondered if that’s why we have earthquakes. Someone’s faith caused a mountain to move.

How is your faith? Do you know Jesus? If not, let’s have coffee or lunch sometime. Tonight I am asking God for complete healing. I’m asking our heavenly Father to give me peace and comfort on what lies ahead. I’m trusting that I will be okay.

Love you all!