Salt and Pepper Fun!

The following activity Caden thought of completely on his own.  While I was getting ready this morning, Caden decided to reach for the salt and pepper shakers.  Boy did he have fun!  He emptied both containers and spread the salt and pepper everywhere!

Where I found him, "innocently" sitting at his craft table holding the salt and pepper shakers

Fun with shapes!

Where it started, in the kitchen

While I was scoping out the mess, Caden plays with his trains in it

Not good

After it was all cleaned up, he decided to lay on the coffee table

Empty salt and pepper shakers

Caden read his first word out of context!

Caden is starting to sound out words and he knows quite a few.  However, he doesn't usually see a word and tell us what it is unless it's his name, which he knows very well.  Numbers and letters are a different story.  He started pointing out letters when he was 17 months old.  We first noticed this when we went to dinner in Mannheim one evening and he was pointing and saying the letters on random signs.  Last night was different.  While we were eating dinner, Caden read his first word, out of context, that was not his name.  He seems to know a lot of words but usually tells us them when we're reading a book.  Or if he sees his name written somewhere, he is quick to point it out.  Last night was different.  He noticed one of his trucks on the floor near the wall.  He said, "I would like that cat, please."  Collin and I looked at each other then looked to where he was looking to see if his stuffed cat was over there.  There was only one thing, his Caterpillar truck that says, "CAT" on the back, which was facing the table.  It was solely lying on the floor near the wall.  Neither Collin nor I have ever called that truck a cat or caterpillar and he knows what a truck and a cat are.  We were both amazed.  Caden, you surprise us everyday.  We love you!

Caden playing with his cat

Caden Update

We just spent 2 hours at the doctor's office this afternoon/early evening.  Two weeks ago we finally got in to see the allergist.  We drove 1 hour and 20 minutes each way to go to the main Military Hospital in Europe, the only facility within the military that has an allergist.  It was a waste of time.  They couldn't do the same kind of testing we needed.  The Army dropped the ball in scanning in our medical records and out of a stack of probably 30 pages only scanned in 2!  We should have brought our records with us but we believed the correspondence office when they said our records from the States would be in the system.  The doctor would only do a prick test for foods we thought he may be allergic too.  Considering he doesn't have the typical reaction to food that people with a food allergy have (swelling, rash, etc.) we were not sure.  We had them check for the three things he's had that he's thrown-up after eating: oranges, pineapples, and milk.  He didn't show an allergy to any of that.  So we're most likely going to have to go to a German allergist if we want to find out what his allergies are, which is something I didn't want to do.  I really prefer Caden's medical records to be in English.  Also German healthcare is a little different than U.S.

Yesterday we took him to get his blood levels checked to confirm the iron is working.  Before anything was done we asked the lab tech to look at the request to make sure they would test for what we needed - a CBC (complete blood count), because we need to make sure his iron supplements are working.  The lady assured us that they would do a complete test.  Well, today I found out they didn't.  Thank you, Army.  I hate having to put my child through excessive testing. 

Also, when I called to find out the results of the iron test over the phone, the nurse kept stalling.  He finally said something didn't look right, not his hemoglobin levels but his white blood cells.  He said he was trying to get the doctor but she was busy with patients.  He said it looked like he may have a virus or bacterial infection.  I told him that two days ago when we were at the park, a kid started coughing right in Caden's face.  What does Caden do?  He gets right up in the kids face and laughs, thinking it was funny.  I asked my neighbors daughter to pull him away, she was with us, and to take him to play away from the coughing child.  So I thought maybe Caden had a cold.  He is congested and has a runny nose but doesn't have a fever.  The nurse said we'll see if he could get us an appointment.  Sadly, we can only get an appointment for the day we call in and we can't call in before 10am.  It's because of our status in Germany.  Well, praise God we got in!  I called around 1:30pm and there was a 3:30pm opening.

What we found out is that Caden had to get a nebulizer (breathing treatment) and the doctor thought he may need two breathing treatments (which he hated!) and a shot.  What?!  He was wheezing really bad and she said it's stuff like this that puts kids in the hospital.  Seriously?!  What kind of mother am I?  I thought he just had a cold.  I'm so glad we got an appointment.  Thankfully he only had to have one treatment.  He had this treatment last year one time when he was sick and not breathing well after we had gone to the German pediatrician and the German ER and got no help.  She also prescribed an inhaler for him.  She said if he wakes up coughing at night to give him a treatment every four hours.  They can't tell us if he has asthma or what's causing this.  They said it could be the weather, an allergy to something, a virus, really anything.  They told us we need to come in tomorrow and get his lungs checked out.  Please say a prayer for him.  He has had a really rough time lately. 

Baby Update

I went back to the doctor this morning.  My doctor confirmed I had another miscarriage.  It's just heartbreaking.  I am so sad and at a loss for words about it.  Dr. Simsch was concerned about the fibroids and is referring me to a specialist in Mannheim.  She said she was not sure if the fibroids are causing the miscarriages but it's a possibility especially since they are quite large and I didn't have them when I was pregnant with Caden.  Also since I had two miscarriages in a row at about the same time, this is not normal, she said there is something causing this.

Collin called to make the appointment and we need the physical referral from the doctor, which we found out our doctor has to mail us.  Why couldn't she just give it to us when we were there?  I don't know, it seems like this is how everything moves here, slow.  Hopefully next week we'll be able to schedule an appointment and find out what's wrong.  Dr. Simsch said that I look healthy, my overies look good, and we hope to find out what is going on.  Thanks for your prayers.

Halloween Fun!

Sitting on the stairs ready to go

I know, Halloween is not until Monday.  However, this year we celebrated early.  Friday, Caden and I went to Lucca and Nayla's house for a pumpkin carving party.  The kids started off interested in carving the pumpkins but quickly lost interest and ended up just wanting to play.

Saturday night we went trunk-or-treating on post.  Germans don't really celebrate Halloween.  We've only had one person knock on our door and that was our first year living in Germany.  This was the first year we've taken Caden to a trick-or-treating type event.  We saw several of our friends and enjoyed watching Caden say, "trick-or-treat!"  He was a cute little monkey this year.  When we were in Texas in September and I saw costumes for sale at Target I decided to buy one.  He loves monkeys and bananas.

Caden sneaking some candy corn

All the pumpkins, great job, Mama's!

Left to right - big Caden, my Caden, Lucca, Rose, and Addison

On the way to trunk-or-treating!

First car to stop at, Caden wasn't sure what to do.  He asks, "what is candy?"

The Willis Family

The Hutto Family

Caden and Natalie

Caden and his buddy, Nate

He loved petting the D.A.R.E. lion.

Sadness

I just couldn't get myself to write yesterday. I was starting to wish I had not shared what I did the day before so I could take my hurt and bury it and try to hide my hurt and pain from everyone.

The news was not good. I had another miscarriage. This is not the first time my prayers have not been answered by God the way I had wanted. When I was 11 and my mother died suddenly was the first time I felt a pain similar to this. The other most recent time was two months ago when I experienced my first miscarriage. I have to wonder, why did I get pregnant in the first place only to lose the baby?

This miscarriage was different from the last. The majority of it happened all at once rather than slowly over a week. Thursday night as I was about to go to sleep I had what felt like labor pains. I know this because I have been in labor and praise God I have once child. I could not sleep, lay down, or stand. It was horrible! I continued to bleed, a lot. This went on for a while and it was a mess. It's a very lonely feeling. I just kept wishing I could go stay with my grandmother, who is now in an assisted living center, so really wishing I could be with her 10 years ago. She was always the kindest and most caring person to me. Sometimes we just need a mom, which I don't really have. As a child, when I was sick I always wanted to stay with her as she was the best nurse. Anyway, Thursday night I knew the baby wasn't going to make it.

Friday morning my husband called my doctor's office. His German is better than mine. My hGC levels were 834 which is too low for 6 weeks, so the baby appeared to be underdeveloped. Friday morning I kept some of the tissue and took it to my doctor. That's another big downside to having a miscarriage as I am not a medical person and frankly feel pretty nauseous when I see a lot of blood or someone hurt. My doctor said it looked like that was part of my baby and was going to send it to the lab to hopefully find something out. The only positive of this is that it looks like my baby was underdeveloped and not ectopic, which is somewhat of a relief. So there's evidence right there that God is watching out for me as I would rather it be this way then have to have surgery to remove the baby. She told me if the cramping doesn't stop then I need to go to the hospital this weekend and have surgery. Thankfully the camping has pretty much ceased, I'm just very sore and feel like I've had a baby. As long as I'm sitting I feel pretty good, it's standing and walking that hurts.

This whole thing has been very sad. Ironically on Wednesday before I knew my pregnancy was endangered, I bought Natalie Grant's song, "Held." This verse really stands out to me:

"To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling"

As I'm trying to find comfort during this, I am glad that since this had to happen that it happened sooner rather than later. Ladies (and men), who have lost a child, I am deeply sorry. I don't know how you deal with losing a child later on or giving birth and losing the baby shortly after or frankly anytime, no matter what the age.

While I don't know why I had another miscarriage I am going to continue to trust God who let his Son, Jesus, die on the cross for our sins (John 3:16). I'm also going to continue to remind myself that this life is not meant to be Heaven, that is the next life. And Romans 8:28: We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. At this point I'm not sure whether or not I will be able to have another child. I sure hope I can. But if not, I know God ultimately has a plan for me and my family. Thank you for your prayers.

Prayers...

I hesitated to blog about this but am feeling a strong pull to do so.  I was planning on waiting to talk about this for another few weeks.  However, prayers are more important and I need your support.

It seems like I'm really having to trust God lately.  We found out we are pregnant last week, October 18th.  Yay!  We are so excited.  I am 6 weeks pregnant now and this morning right before leaving for the ladies' Bible study I'm leading, I started bleeding.  I started bawling.  I went to get the phone and called Collin.  Through tears I told him I was bleeding and we needed to go to the doctor.  He called Dr. Simsch and they said they'd work us in and to just come in, which was better than going to the hospital.

After having a miscarriage two months ago, blood is not something I want to see.  So far this pregnancy has been more like my pregnancy was with Caden, pure exhaustion but overall I have felt good.  The doctor talked to us and then did the exam.  It's interesting because in Germany she actually has microscopes right there by the table so she can see directly inside me with her scopes as well as take samples and view them at her table right there.  I have been to four different OBGYNs in Germany.  All of them also have ultrasound machines next to the table.  She did an ultrasound and didn't see the sac.  This caused a lot of concern.  She saw my fibroid, which I didn't have when I was pregnant with Caden.  The fibroid is now about 3cm.  She said this could be one of three things: I could have an ectopic pregnancy, the baby is underdeveloped, or the baby is hiding behind the fibroid.  We hope to know more tomorrow morning once we get the blood lab results back with my hGC levels.  She also said depending on what we find out, she may want me to go to a specialist in Mannheim regarding my fibroid and pregnancy.

I am trying to not break-down.  I am trying to lean on God through prayer.  I don't want there to be something wrong.  I don't want to have another miscarriage, I don't want to have an ectopic pregnancy.  I just want a healthy baby.  This whole roller coaster is tough.  I'm scared, worried, and sad.  I always thought pregnancy was supposed to be a time of joy, not constant worry.

Please say a prayer for us.  We had such a wonderful time with my parents who left last week.  Right now we really miss having family around.  We were at the doctor's office for 2.5 hours today.  It's tough going and waiting with a 2-year old.  Thankfully, Caden did really well.  I feel extremely blessed to have him.  Am I asking too much to want another healthy baby?