Prayers...

I hesitated to blog about this but am feeling a strong pull to do so.  I was planning on waiting to talk about this for another few weeks.  However, prayers are more important and I need your support.

It seems like I'm really having to trust God lately.  We found out we are pregnant last week, October 18th.  Yay!  We are so excited.  I am 6 weeks pregnant now and this morning right before leaving for the ladies' Bible study I'm leading, I started bleeding.  I started bawling.  I went to get the phone and called Collin.  Through tears I told him I was bleeding and we needed to go to the doctor.  He called Dr. Simsch and they said they'd work us in and to just come in, which was better than going to the hospital.

After having a miscarriage two months ago, blood is not something I want to see.  So far this pregnancy has been more like my pregnancy was with Caden, pure exhaustion but overall I have felt good.  The doctor talked to us and then did the exam.  It's interesting because in Germany she actually has microscopes right there by the table so she can see directly inside me with her scopes as well as take samples and view them at her table right there.  I have been to four different OBGYNs in Germany.  All of them also have ultrasound machines next to the table.  She did an ultrasound and didn't see the sac.  This caused a lot of concern.  She saw my fibroid, which I didn't have when I was pregnant with Caden.  The fibroid is now about 3cm.  She said this could be one of three things: I could have an ectopic pregnancy, the baby is underdeveloped, or the baby is hiding behind the fibroid.  We hope to know more tomorrow morning once we get the blood lab results back with my hGC levels.  She also said depending on what we find out, she may want me to go to a specialist in Mannheim regarding my fibroid and pregnancy.

I am trying to not break-down.  I am trying to lean on God through prayer.  I don't want there to be something wrong.  I don't want to have another miscarriage, I don't want to have an ectopic pregnancy.  I just want a healthy baby.  This whole roller coaster is tough.  I'm scared, worried, and sad.  I always thought pregnancy was supposed to be a time of joy, not constant worry.

Please say a prayer for us.  We had such a wonderful time with my parents who left last week.  Right now we really miss having family around.  We were at the doctor's office for 2.5 hours today.  It's tough going and waiting with a 2-year old.  Thankfully, Caden did really well.  I feel extremely blessed to have him.  Am I asking too much to want another healthy baby?