The longer I'm a parent the more I'm realizing I learn toward the attachment/peaceful parenting way of parenting. I want to have open and honest relationships with my children. I want them to know I love them and teach them to have respect for themselves and others. I don't want to have to resort to harsh words or spankings to get them to do what I want. I want them to learn and make the right decisions on their own. Obviously we give consequences when needed but overall we want to raise our kids in a very positive environment.
Thanks to Pinterest I created something I call a Good Behavior Jar. Although the post I saw the person's child was saving up for something. We have an allowance system in place but there are a few behavior issues with Caden that we're having to really work with. Some of them are: listening, following directions right away, having a good attitude, and staying seated while eating. He's a very caring and thoughtful boy. But he's also very energetic. It's hard for him to sit still. He truly has to work at it. Many kids sitting still comes easily. Not our boy! Also if he's really focused on something he might not hear us. So we're working on listening to mom and dad.
Okay, so here's our Good Behavior Jar and how it works. I had him think of three things he wants to do. When he displays good behavior he gets a pom pom. Also he gets a pom pom at the end of the day if he completes all of his chores. I wanted some goals to come easily so he sees success. He's someone who takes compliments really well and when he's doing well, tends to continue doing really well. He came up with these three things: See an IMAX, Have a Friend Over, and Go to Chuck E Cheese or Peter Piper's Pizza. He'll probably earn the IMAX this weekend, possibly have a friend over next week, and in another week we'll take him out for pizza and games.Once we fill the jar up, we'll think of three more things and start over again. Eventually we might just have one or two things listed. But for now we want to make sure he knows how much we appreciate his good behavior.
Caden is loving the Good Behavior Jar! He's told me I'm the best mom recently and he likes all of these new things we're doing. I feel like I have not always noticed all that he truly does since Grace was born since she takes up so much of my time. I really want to make a conscience effort to notice the positives he does and let him know I'm noticing them. He responds very well to this kind of thing.
2 comments:
I love this idea! Are their consequences in place if he chooses to not do one of the 3 things? If so, can I ask what they are (looking for new insight here :), not to be nosy)? Do you feel they are effective in directing him to obey the next time? We have a few things we are working on with our oldest and I love this idea and love praising for the positive things, but we struggle when he doesn't do those things straight away and doesn't get the praise it becomes a struggle when a consequence is put in place.
Mariann, I think you have to meet each child where they are at. Caden sometimes has a hard time listening. Which then causes him to have a hard time obeying because he truly was too engaged in whatever he was doing to listen and know how to obey.
The consequences for not obeying are he won't get to do the fun things listed on the jar. Other consequences for misbehaving are: losing a TV show (he gets up to 3, 20 minute shows per day, during Grace's nap), if we're home. Some days he doesn't watch anything. He might lose getting to play a game on the Kindle. And lately he's had to go to bed 10 minutes early as a consequence for certain things like back talking.
So far the jar is working. Although he has to really want to earn it. He tends to do well with his chores and earning a $1 each day. He's a really good kid but sometimes I'm just worn out. He stays very busy and active. I hope this was somewhat helpful.
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