Halloween Fun!

Sitting on the stairs ready to go

I know, Halloween is not until Monday.  However, this year we celebrated early.  Friday, Caden and I went to Lucca and Nayla's house for a pumpkin carving party.  The kids started off interested in carving the pumpkins but quickly lost interest and ended up just wanting to play.

Saturday night we went trunk-or-treating on post.  Germans don't really celebrate Halloween.  We've only had one person knock on our door and that was our first year living in Germany.  This was the first year we've taken Caden to a trick-or-treating type event.  We saw several of our friends and enjoyed watching Caden say, "trick-or-treat!"  He was a cute little monkey this year.  When we were in Texas in September and I saw costumes for sale at Target I decided to buy one.  He loves monkeys and bananas.

Caden sneaking some candy corn

All the pumpkins, great job, Mama's!

Left to right - big Caden, my Caden, Lucca, Rose, and Addison

On the way to trunk-or-treating!

First car to stop at, Caden wasn't sure what to do.  He asks, "what is candy?"

The Willis Family

The Hutto Family

Caden and Natalie

Caden and his buddy, Nate

He loved petting the D.A.R.E. lion.

Sadness

I just couldn't get myself to write yesterday. I was starting to wish I had not shared what I did the day before so I could take my hurt and bury it and try to hide my hurt and pain from everyone.

The news was not good. I had another miscarriage. This is not the first time my prayers have not been answered by God the way I had wanted. When I was 11 and my mother died suddenly was the first time I felt a pain similar to this. The other most recent time was two months ago when I experienced my first miscarriage. I have to wonder, why did I get pregnant in the first place only to lose the baby?

This miscarriage was different from the last. The majority of it happened all at once rather than slowly over a week. Thursday night as I was about to go to sleep I had what felt like labor pains. I know this because I have been in labor and praise God I have once child. I could not sleep, lay down, or stand. It was horrible! I continued to bleed, a lot. This went on for a while and it was a mess. It's a very lonely feeling. I just kept wishing I could go stay with my grandmother, who is now in an assisted living center, so really wishing I could be with her 10 years ago. She was always the kindest and most caring person to me. Sometimes we just need a mom, which I don't really have. As a child, when I was sick I always wanted to stay with her as she was the best nurse. Anyway, Thursday night I knew the baby wasn't going to make it.

Friday morning my husband called my doctor's office. His German is better than mine. My hGC levels were 834 which is too low for 6 weeks, so the baby appeared to be underdeveloped. Friday morning I kept some of the tissue and took it to my doctor. That's another big downside to having a miscarriage as I am not a medical person and frankly feel pretty nauseous when I see a lot of blood or someone hurt. My doctor said it looked like that was part of my baby and was going to send it to the lab to hopefully find something out. The only positive of this is that it looks like my baby was underdeveloped and not ectopic, which is somewhat of a relief. So there's evidence right there that God is watching out for me as I would rather it be this way then have to have surgery to remove the baby. She told me if the cramping doesn't stop then I need to go to the hospital this weekend and have surgery. Thankfully the camping has pretty much ceased, I'm just very sore and feel like I've had a baby. As long as I'm sitting I feel pretty good, it's standing and walking that hurts.

This whole thing has been very sad. Ironically on Wednesday before I knew my pregnancy was endangered, I bought Natalie Grant's song, "Held." This verse really stands out to me:

"To think that providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling"

As I'm trying to find comfort during this, I am glad that since this had to happen that it happened sooner rather than later. Ladies (and men), who have lost a child, I am deeply sorry. I don't know how you deal with losing a child later on or giving birth and losing the baby shortly after or frankly anytime, no matter what the age.

While I don't know why I had another miscarriage I am going to continue to trust God who let his Son, Jesus, die on the cross for our sins (John 3:16). I'm also going to continue to remind myself that this life is not meant to be Heaven, that is the next life. And Romans 8:28: We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. At this point I'm not sure whether or not I will be able to have another child. I sure hope I can. But if not, I know God ultimately has a plan for me and my family. Thank you for your prayers.

Prayers...

I hesitated to blog about this but am feeling a strong pull to do so.  I was planning on waiting to talk about this for another few weeks.  However, prayers are more important and I need your support.

It seems like I'm really having to trust God lately.  We found out we are pregnant last week, October 18th.  Yay!  We are so excited.  I am 6 weeks pregnant now and this morning right before leaving for the ladies' Bible study I'm leading, I started bleeding.  I started bawling.  I went to get the phone and called Collin.  Through tears I told him I was bleeding and we needed to go to the doctor.  He called Dr. Simsch and they said they'd work us in and to just come in, which was better than going to the hospital.

After having a miscarriage two months ago, blood is not something I want to see.  So far this pregnancy has been more like my pregnancy was with Caden, pure exhaustion but overall I have felt good.  The doctor talked to us and then did the exam.  It's interesting because in Germany she actually has microscopes right there by the table so she can see directly inside me with her scopes as well as take samples and view them at her table right there.  I have been to four different OBGYNs in Germany.  All of them also have ultrasound machines next to the table.  She did an ultrasound and didn't see the sac.  This caused a lot of concern.  She saw my fibroid, which I didn't have when I was pregnant with Caden.  The fibroid is now about 3cm.  She said this could be one of three things: I could have an ectopic pregnancy, the baby is underdeveloped, or the baby is hiding behind the fibroid.  We hope to know more tomorrow morning once we get the blood lab results back with my hGC levels.  She also said depending on what we find out, she may want me to go to a specialist in Mannheim regarding my fibroid and pregnancy.

I am trying to not break-down.  I am trying to lean on God through prayer.  I don't want there to be something wrong.  I don't want to have another miscarriage, I don't want to have an ectopic pregnancy.  I just want a healthy baby.  This whole roller coaster is tough.  I'm scared, worried, and sad.  I always thought pregnancy was supposed to be a time of joy, not constant worry.

Please say a prayer for us.  We had such a wonderful time with my parents who left last week.  Right now we really miss having family around.  We were at the doctor's office for 2.5 hours today.  It's tough going and waiting with a 2-year old.  Thankfully, Caden did really well.  I feel extremely blessed to have him.  Am I asking too much to want another healthy baby? 

Trip to Germany's capital, Berlin

Berlin Wall Memorial

I cannot believe we have lived in Germany for over three years and have just now visited Berlin.  I have to say, I liked Berlin a lot more than I thought I would.  Berlin is the capital of Germany and Germany's largest city.  We took an ICE train from Heidelberg to Berlin and it took about 5 hours.  This was our second train trip to take.  Our first was to Paris last Thanksgiving.  If you're not traveling very far, the train is a great way to get around Europe.  It was nice because we could take turns walking with Caden.  Thus, making it better than strapping him in a car for 5-8 hours.  There's a cafe on board where we bought coffee and actually ate dinner on our way back.  Also, everyone could enjoy looking at the scenery outside the windows and we didn't have to worry about getting stuck in traffic.  My parents were in town and having them travel with us, made things so much easier.

We stayed at a hotel called Hotel Berlin, Berlin.  At first they put my parents in the modern side of the hotel and us in the older side.  Once Collin and I saw our room we requested to change rooms.  They didn't have any rooms available in the modern side with a couch bed, but that was fine with us.  The older room smelled like old cigarette smoke and I'm allergic to cigarettes so that was not going to work.  To have a clean, non-smoking smelling room, Caden could easily sleep in our bed for two nights.  Overall, we really liked the hotel.  The bus line was very close to the hotel, the breakfast was top of the line, and the bed was comfortable.  It's a 4 star hotel, which is more like a 3 star in the U.S.

Going to our hotel - Hotel Berlin, Berlin

 

My favorite 2-year old

About a year ago, our neighbor, Michael, brought us a piece of the Berlin Wall and a book about it from when he and his family went to Berlin.  They go about once a year.  I never knew the full history of the Berlin Wall and how horrible it was.  It divided families and they built it to keep people in East Berlin from getting out so they could keep them under communist control.  We visited the remaining part of the Berlin Wall and went in the museum and saw videos of people jumping out windows.  We also read old news stories and looked at pictures.  Our hearts sunk and went out to those people who lived on the wrong side of town.  When the wall went up you were unable to communicate with those on the other side.  It was really neat to see such a recent historical place.  The Berlin Wall recently went down in November of 1989.

Berlin Wall - where tunnels were dug

Actual part of the wall that remains, it was tall and made of cement

Inside the cement were those metal bars - nobody was breaking through

Some of the subway lines we road on were ghost lines, meaning they stopped running them, during the Cold War because they connected to East to the West.

If you went inside the ghost tunnel, you'd see this where it was blocked off

We went to Checkpoint Charlie, the best-known crossing point of the Berlin Wall between East Berlin and West Berlin during the Cold War.  
 


Checkpoint Charlie

 

Opa at Checkpoint Charlie

We also went to a Jewish Memorial.  The museum was not recommended for people under 14 so we didn't go inside the museum.  But the memorial was very impressive.

Jewish Memorial

Line to go inside the museum

 

Some of the structures were very tall

Berlin is a very clean city, much like most of Germany.  We enjoyed delicious food, saw most of the city by either foot, riding on the second level of the double-decker bus, and subway.  I would like to go back one day and I don't say that about every place we've traveled.  If Berlin is on your list of maybes, I suggest going.  I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked it.

Riding in the front on the double-decker bus



President Christian Wulff's residence



The Fernsehturm (television tower)

Brandenburg Gate at night

The only problem we encountered was on our way home.  There was a terrorist attack at the train station.  It seems like we tend to travel around dangerous situations.  Thanks to God, we miss the horrible could-have-beens.  Our train was delayed a little over 2 hours.  There was a potential arson attack. "Federal police said they found several bottles of flammable liquid that could have been used to carry out an arson attack. The material was discovered some 200 meters (about 650 feet) from the main station building, along with what they called "incendiary objects."  According to this article.  Thankfully they found it and nobody was injured from it.

Train station in Berlin

London Continued 2 of 2

London Continued...lots of pictures

Saturday we decided to do our own things as my parents wanted to attempt going to Wimbledon again (but sadly did not make it.) Lots of the subways were shut down over the weekend as London is preparing for the Olympics. Also there was a protest Saturday and Sunday which caused lots of the buses to not be able to run. Collin, Caden, and I took a ride in our first black taxi. It was really cool! First, we went to the Shakespeare Globe Theatre and did the tour. Caden is not much for tours and we are quickly realizing anything that requires standing or sitting for more than 2 minutes will require one of us to miss it. Then we went to the archaelogical excavation/recontruction of the Rose Theatre nearby. It was open for a free showing and we listened to a man speak about it for a while but Caden started getting frustrated and we were getting hungry so we left before seeing the video. We ate at a cute and yummy French restaurant right next to St. Paul's Cathedral while TV crews, police, and protesters moved around outside. Then we went to Harrods. We had always heard of Harrods and were glad we finally made it. Everything was expensive and Caden had fallen asleep on the way. We were supposed to meet my parents for dinner so they could watch Caden while Collin and I went to dinner. That didn't happen. We were too tired once we go to Harrods to make it back across town. It was so crowded it took us almost 45 minutes to get to Harrods while it should have only taken about 10-15 minutes.

First Black Taxi Ride

Shakespeare Globe Theatre

Outside the Shakespeare Globe Theatre

Collin on stage at the Rose Theatre - it's a small stage!

The first kind of piggy bank - it was started at the theatre

French restaurant we ate lunch at, protestors outside

Awesome doll house at Harrods

Sunday we went took another Black Taxi Ride, went to Buckingham Palace, Westminster Abbey, Princess Diana's Memorial, walked along the parks, and had high tea at Kensington Palace.  Collin and I also took a tour of Kensington Palace, which was the official residence of Princess Diana until her death.  We really liked High Tea and there was a nice playground nearby that my parents took Caden to while we took a tour of the palace, which was very nice of them.

Buckingham Palace

Military Parade next to Buckingham Palace

View from our walk in the park

Westminster Abbey

Westminster Abbey

High Tea at Kensington Palace

2nd Black Taxi Ride

2nd Black Taxi Ride

Collin on the throne at Kensington Palace

Princess Diana's Memorial Fountain

Monday was more of a relaxing day without any set plans except to see more of London.  Collin got sick so Monday he stayed at the hotel.  He probably caught this coughing lady's cold on the bus.  We all hated that he felt so terrible.  Caden and I went to London with my parents and took the 45 minute train ride back to our hotel a little early.  We mainly road the buses and subway around checking out the city.  My favorite stop we made that day was Nottinghill.  It was a beautiful little city and we ate a tasty restaurant called The Giraffe for lunch.

Lunch at the Giraffe restaurant

Opa walking Caden down the street in Nottinghill

Sunday we