We made it to TX!

Last Friday we flew into Texas.  The plane ride was rough.  Caden threw up twice on the plane, about 10 minutes into our flight and then again around 50 minutes into the flight.  We both were worried because we only brought two additional change of clothes for him.  My dad picked us up from the airport and Caden threw up again in the car on the way to my parents' house.  I'm starting to think he gets motion sickness.  I brought lots of snacks and a few meals because we are pretty structured with Caden's meals and snacks and he tends to get hungry at almost the same time everyday.  Also, from our previous experiences, AA starts serving dinner within 80 minutes of landing.  Well, depending on where you're sitting and when you get your food you can still be eating while starting to decend, which can cause someone with motion sickness to threw up.  I threw up last year as we landed.  Sure enough, they served food around the same time but thankfully I already fed Caden his dinner.  He only slept 1 hour on the flight.  It was a LONG flight.  Overall he did very well considering it was a 10.5 hour flight.

Saturday evening we had some family over for a cook-out.  It was so nice to see everyone.  We have really missed living closer to family.  Caden loves his grandparents, aunts, and uncles. 

Sunday morning we went to church.  Caden threw up during services.  I don't know if I've ever mentioned this, but he throws up a lot.  During communion, he said, "I want a chip!!  Mommy eats a chip!"  He says this at church in Germany too.  We whisper that it's bread that represents Christ's body who died on the cross for our sins and that he can take it once he's baptized.  I had some dried apples in my purse so I decided to give him a few because his schedule is all off.  He was up since 1:30am and so was Collin!  So I knew he was hungry, again, and tired.  What happened is I think he chocked on the apples because we didn't have his water with us.  Anyway, it was a mess and I'm so thankful for those who helped us and helped clean up.  Thankfully, we were sitting near the back.

Monday I had a doctor's appt. with my sweet friend, Erin Steidl.  It looks like I'm doing fine from my miscarriage.  I was impressed how modest her doctor's office was.  I had never seen her as a doctor but she is great and recommend her to anyone who is looking for a doctor.  Collin and I met with some of my old co-workers and friends for lunch.  I used to work for a law firm downtown and we usually have Caden with us but my parents graciously watched him while we went to my doctor's appointment so he wasn't with us for lunch.

Monday night we met my parents and siblings and their spouses for dinner.  We ate Mexican food and Caden used his first urinal at the restaurants.  We ate at Blue Mesa and apparently the urinal goes all the way to the floor.  Did we mention that Caden is doing really well with the potty training?  He used the potty at the airport and on the airplane.  This is a big accomplishment for someone new at this.

Tuesday my dad took Collin, Caden, and me to the zoo.  Caden loved it!  He loves animals and they have added some exhibits from last year.  Yesterday evening, my sister, Michelle, and her husband, Kyle, watched Caden so Collin and I could go on a date.  We went to a movie and saw, The Help, which was really good.  Then we went to dinner and came back.  He went to the potty for them at their house, yay!  Thank you Michelle and Kyle!!

Before we went to the zoo we saw my dear, sweet, grandmother.  She lives in an assisted living place and doesn't talk much anymore.  You could tell she was so happy to see us.  She smiled, nodded, and shrugged.  She even gave Caden a kiss!  I look forward to seeing her again while we're in town.

Today we are meeting some friends from church for a playdate and going to dinner with family tonight.  It is so good to be back home in Texas!  People are so friendly here.  An old man at Sam's even patted me on the back welcoming me home.  Ha!

We also are looking forward to seeing Collin's parents and family.  We decided to see them second to get over jet lag - which is taking longer than before.  Caden was up at 1:30am, then 3:20am, then 5:30am, then has family made it to 7am the past two days.  I hope we're finally getting back on schedule.

I will post pictures later but wanted to give a short update of our happenings.

Caden is 26 months and such a joy!

With all that has happened lately, I am constantly reminded how great life is.  God has blessed me with the most wonderful boy.  He is so kind, loving, smart, and funny.  He keeps me laughing.  Since Caden turned 2, I decided not to do monthly updates.  However, with all that is going on, it's time for a happy update.

The newest milestone for him is potty training.  He is doing very well with this.  I am probably holding him back more than I should.  He is even getting very good at using the bathroom in public and finally went poop in the potty last night!  Yay!  That is one thing he had not done until then.  Today he told me he had to poop so we ran upstairs (the bathroom upstairs is set up better) and he sat on the potty.  He just had gas but he kept looking to see if anything was coming out.  He's such a boy!  I love it!  I still haven't moved him to undies, just diapers and pull-ups.  We'll probably switch to pull-ups then underwear gradually. 

Something else I've been impressed with is how quickly he's picking up is the months of the year.  He knows them by heart and will even say them randomly while playing.  Of course when I get the camera out to film he stops talking.  I finally caught him saying it but he saw me so he started talking quietly.  He's been doing really well with the days of the week too but I have not heard him say all days the from memory yet.  We just started doing calendar time a few weeks ago and it is one of the highlights of our mornings.  Last week we missed doing it about half the week.  I'm not sure if we'll bring this to the States or not.  So we may pick that up again when we return. 

Caden's vocabulary and communication skills continue to grow.  Little people are so smart!  One of our favorite games is something I call "What is?"  I'll ask him if something is the wrong color such as, "is the sky pink?" and he'll say, "noooo, the sky is blue."  I also ask him questions like "do horses say, 'meow?'"  He'll laugh and say, "noooo, horses say, 'neigh!'"  He loves me to ask him the wrong question so he can get it right. 

I am starting to teach him to read.  I guess all along we have taught him by reading to him.  But now he will look at word and spell it.  He'll say for example, "d-u-c-k spells duck."  One of his favorite things to play with is the Melissa and Doug See and Spell.  I can ask him how to spell any of those words and he'll pick up the board and spell the word.  We don't work on spelling as much as I wish we did, mainly we just don't have time.  I feel like lately we've had so much going on.  But I do try and read to him 15-20 minutes during the day and we read to him 15-20 minutes at night before bed.  Words that I think he knows or can sound out I'll have him try and read them.  Thankfully the alphabet and phonics have come quite easily for him and I think he'll be reading by his 3rd birthday.  He loves books and words like his Mom and Dad.  He also gets the right letter that certain words start with about 8 out of 10 times.  I don't do really hard words, but I'll say, "what does Mommy start with?"  He'll say, "Mommy starts with 'M'!"  Or "what does hat start with."  He'll say "H," etc.  Sometimes he'll tell us randomly when we're talking about someone what their name starts with or what an object, such as the door starts with.  Tonight Collin heard him talking to himself.  He was looking at shampoo bottle with a picture of strawberries and the word milk on it but no picture of milk.  Caden was sounding out the word.  Collin could not hear all of what he said but he heard, "mu, ei...milk." 

Caden's favorite book at the moment is Are you My Mother? which I loved a child.  He has the book almost memorized and is very dramatic when he reads it, especially when you get to the part where the baby bird is high in the air on the Snort and says, "Where am I?  I want to go home! I want my Mother!"

The only concern we have is possible allergies.  He still throws up quite often and randomly.  When we come in town we're going to try and get him in with a doctor there. 

We love you, Caden Jake!

Love,
Mom and Dad

P.S. Here's the link to the YouTube video. I tried putting it on here but am having problems. It's not as clear or good as he usually says it because he gets camera shy. But it's still really good.

Favorite book of the month

I love those blue eyes

Playing with Jordan a friend from church at a baby shower this past weekend

Having fun playing with his toys.  He set up his toys like this and I thought it was cute.

I had him try and balance a bean bag on his head then walk. 
Then I asked him to stand on one foot.  He did pretty good with the walking but not on one foot.

Placing the bean bags on a letter with the same color.

We read The Purple Crayon, which he thought was funny and loved.
I asked him if he wanted to color with a purple crayon and of course he said, "yes!"

Follow-up doctor's visit

I'm sharing this with you in hopes that I can help or encourage someone who may experience something similar to mine. This is also helping me with the grieving process. There are typically two types of personalities, those who really grieve a miscarriage and those who don't. I am one of those who is having a difficult time and writing is the best therapy for me. As a caution, if you don't want to read about my miscarriage, please stop here.

Today I went to the follow-up doctor's visit with my original doctor. He of course saw some tissue and wanted to do a D&C. We asked him what the pros and cons would be. He said I would stop bleeding and in 10-12 days could try again - apparently you spot for 10-12 days after having a D&C. I asked if I didn't stop bleeding how long would I bleed for. He said he didn't know. My other doctor (2nd opinion doctor) said last Tuesday that usually early miscarriages result in bleeding a little longer than a regular period. She said maybe a few days longer but not much more than that. Also she didn't think I needed a D&C.

The doctor asked how things were going and I told him I went ahead and got the RhoGAM shot because of the risks of not getting one. I'm RH-negative. He acted offended because I got it. This made me mad. For one, the midwife at the hospital Sunday wanted to give it to me then - she sees lots and lots of pregnant women and women who miscarry. And my old doctor said the positives far outweigh the negatives and didn't see why I would not get it. We asked him why he thought I didn't need one. I don't think he understood my question because he said the embryo has to implant. When I asked him when this happened, he said he didn't know, it just depends. This seemed very odd since we saw the embryo a week ago - a white line in the sonogram. Did he forget? What he lying then? Also, I researched it online and the embryo implants at conception. I was 6 weeks pregnant and conception by a doctor's definition happened 4 weeks ago. Since I am RH-negative, I have read quite a bit about this. When I first started bleeding last Saturday I knew I needed to at least get to the hospital for the RhoGAM shot. You are supposed to get it within 72 hours of bleeding, a miscarriage, or giving birth (if your child is RH-positive and if you are RH-negative). My old doctor was very good during my last pregnancy and since I didn't have any bleeding I got it at around 28 weeks and after I gave birth. My son is RH-positive so that was a good thing I got it! Most people are RH-positive, thankfully.

Going back to my appointment. One thing I didn't like was this doctor seemed uncomfortable when we asked him questions. That I do not like. If I have a question about my health, I'd like an answer. If they don't know, that's okay. I honestly don't have a lot of questions. But before I undergo anesthesia and have my insides scraped out, I want to know if it's truly necessary. Two other OBGYNs have told me that a D&C is not necessary this early on, one German and one American. Every time I have been under anesthesia, I get very nauseous and throw-up. It also takes me a while to feel like myself again. This was one huge reason I did not want an epidural when I gave birth to my son - if something had gone wrong, then of course I'd get one and I don't look down on anyone who has one. For me personally, I work better when I'm aware of the pain. Strong medicines have a strong affect on me. Sadly, I usually wait too long to take something. For example, when I get a headache it usually turns into a migraine because I wait too long to do something about it. So my method is not always the best.

I ended up NOT getting the D&C. My husband and I talked about it a few minutes in private and decided not to. We'll be in the States soon so I can have a follow-up visit there. If there was an infection or I was further along, I would probably get one. I'm not against them if someone has a miscarriage, I am just against having a surgery that I don't feel is necessary and for me personally, I didn't think in my case this was necessary.

It wasn't but a few hours later that I had a little more heavy bleeding and then all of the sudden it pretty much stopped. I have had very light spotting this afternoon/evening - which is exactly what my other doctor said would happen. I'll find out in a few days if it stops. My other doctor wants me to come get my hGC levels tested next week. She called me yesterday with Tuesday's lab results and said they were still kind of high. I may take a pregnancy test first, if it comes back negative, which it should, then I think I'll wait until the States for any further testing. Pregnancy tests are much cheaper than lab tests.

This past week has been one of the most stressful and saddest weeks of my life. I'm a pretty optimistic person and don't ever expect the worse to happen. I truly hope I don't lose that. I like being excited about birth and life, even if it means a very hard fall if/when things don't go how I had hoped. Pregnancy to me, should be a time of joy, not worry and constant fear. I read 1 in 8 women have a miscarriage. If you've had one then you have a 25% chance of having another one. That means I have a 75% chance of having a healthy, beautiful child if we are blessed with a future pregnancy. Praise God!

 

Yesterday morning at breakfast, Caden said, "I'm going to be a BIG brother!" with a huge smile on his face.  Last week I would have given him a big smile and replied something like, "that's right!  You are going to be a big brother."  Yesterday, I was at a loss for words.  Then he said it again with a big smile on his face.  I finally went over to him and gave him a hug and said, "Caden, I hope one day you will be a big brother.  I love you."

 

I want to say thank you to everyone who has sent emails, messages, and called me. I appreciate the encouragement and comfort. You have given me hope that having a healthy baby is possible after a miscarriage and the strength to continue on. And no, I don't think I will go back to this doctor

A Difficult Time

Yesterday, I found out we lost the baby. We're heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken. =(  I never in a million years would have thought this would happen, that I would have a miscarriage. Being in Germany so far from family has made this even more difficult. 

Last Saturday when I started bleeding I was actually in a little bit of denial that something was truly wrong.  I went on to my friend's baby shower, then went by the grocery store and came home.  That night we went to another friend's birthday party.  However, the bleeding continued and Sunday morning I woke up very worried.  I was worried Saturday but after reading A LOT about bleeding during pregnancy I read that is can be pretty common.  I was spotting and had some cramping - which I never had with Caden - but thought I would be okay.

We found out we were pregnant July 31, 2011.  Collin and I were so excited about having another child.  It was so hard to keep the exciting news a secret.  Since we're coming home at the end of August, we decided we would wait and surprise everyone in person.  I bought two shirts for Caden that say, "I'm a big brother" and pajamas that say the same.  We were planning on cooking out with my family and we would let Caden tell everyone.  He has been practicing saying, "I'm going to be a BIG brother!" and is so cute when he says it.  Sunday morning after going to the hospital we decided we needed prayers more than we needed to surprise anyone.  I was truly hopeful that I would be one of the lucky ones whose baby would make it.

Monday morning when we went to the doctor we found out the baby had gone from 5mm to 3mm.  Collin described it to me as the baby went from looking round like a grape to looking more like a raisin.  How depressing!  My doctor wanted me to come in Friday and have a D&C done if things didn't look better.  I had no idea what a D&C was and after reading about it I decided I didn't want that done, especially since the sac was still there.  We could see it in the ultrasound.  This same doctor told one of my friends the same thing, he told her he thought she was having a miscarriage and to come back in a week and have a D&C done.  Well, a week went by and she came in and there was a heartbeat.  She just had her baby a few weeks ago and he is healthy and precious.  So I continued hoping that this would be the case for us as well.

Yesterday I went for a second opinion.  I went to my old doctor I saw when I was pregnant with Caden.  One thing I didn't like about my new doctor is he never drew blood to check my hGC levels and he didn't think he needed to give me the RhoGAM shot even though I have rh-negative blood.  Even the midwife at the hospital Sunday wanted to give it to me.  When she called my new doctor he said he'd give it to me in his office.  When I saw my old doctor, Dr. Simsch, she said the positives far outweigh the negatives and gave me the shot herself.  I haven't really seen many nurses in Germany like I do in the U.S. The doctors tend to do a lot of the work - shots, ultrasounds, etc.  Anyway, I got in with her yesterday evening.  I feel so blessed to have such great neighbors, they watched Caden so I could meet Collin at the doctor's office as he came straight from work.  They even cooked dinner for us (we eat with them about once a week anyway).  Dr. Simsch did a vaginal ultrasound and the baby's sac was gone.  I am in tears as I write, just so sad and sick that it didn't work out.  What I don't understand is why?  Why did I even get pregnant only to miscarry?  Why is it we go so many years not trying to get pregnant and then when we're fully ready and want a child it doesn't work out?  What irony!  I know I'm not the only woman in the world to question this.  I know God has a plan and it's got to be bigger than mine.  I just don't understand it. 

I told Caden this morning that we lost the baby.  He said, "we lost the baby" and seemed sad.  I don't know how much he understands but with life and death I like complete honesty.  Caden has been such a comfort to me and I think I'm appreciating him even more.  At least I have one handsome, smart, and sweet child.  To God I am very grateful.  After my mother died when I was 11, I lived with some level denial for years.  A part of me kept hoping that it didn't really happen and one day she would walk through the front door and come home.  I don't want to live like that anymore.  So as hard as it is for me to share this, I think it's important for me.  Everyone grieves differently.  Collin was worried last night sharing his thoughts with me because we view things differently and I told him I appreciated him sharing his feelings with me.  Frankly, I need love poured on me during this time.  Normally I tend to be more independent and don't reach out for help.  I am all too good at pretending things are okay.  I don't know if it's just living in Germany and being away from my normal environment, but I have now learned how to ask for help and am able to face life for what it is.

I would never wish the loss of a child on anyone.  A sweet, dear friend of mine, Marcella, shared a prayer her sister said to her when she lost her baby.  She said she was praying that God was welcoming our baby into heaven with open arms.  I am saddened at how many people have had this happen to them.  I am also thankful for friends and family.  I have appreciated the calls, messages, and emails.  I am trying to lean on God through this and am taking it day by day.

The one song that keeps coming to mind is called "Blessed Be Your Name."  We sing this song at church sometimes.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=du0il6d-DAk  It talks about going through good times and bad but we will choose to always say "blessed be Your name."  God never promised us that life would be easy.  No, He tells us in His word to expect trials and hardships. I want to say thank you for praying for us, thank you for sharing your stories with us.  Sometimes knowing we're not alone in this is one of the biggest comforts of all.  We love you and appreciate you.

Here are a few verses that have brought some comfort to me.  May we find comfort in God our Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 

1 Peter 5:10 ESV 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.

James 1:12 ESV 

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

Romans 12:12 ESV
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

John 16:33 ESV

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

Romans 5:3-5 ESV

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Urgent Prayer Request!

We want to ask all our friends out there to please pray for us.  I (Marisa) am 6 weeks pregnant.  My first doctor's appointment was last Friday.  Everything looked great.  Then Saturday I started bleeding.  It continued Sunday, so we went to the hospital Sunday morning and the midwife did an ultrasound, things weren't looking too good.  She said to stay off my feet and rest.  She called my doctor and talked to him.  This morning I went to see him.  Things are still not looking good.  Most likely I am going through a miscarriage.  I ask that you please pray that I'm not.  Several people have told me they bled throughout their pregnancy and things turned out okay.  We are going back to the doctor Friday morning.  The sac is still there.  If we don't hear the heartbeat then we have probably lost him/her.  This is a very sad time for us.  We were waiting to share the good news when we come in town in a few weeks and were so excited to finally announce a pregnancy to our family in person.  However, due to the unexpected, we are asking for prayers at this time.  Please pray that God will help our little one make it.  If it is not His will, ask for peace and healing for our family.  I am at a loss for words.  I know several people have called me today but I have not been able to pick up the phone.  I will respond eventually.  I am just very sad and worried right now.

Playdate at Luisenpark and Wallace Baby

It was around 58 degrees, cold enough to wear a jacket.

One thing I really like about living in Germany is all the wonderful parks.  The weather is crummy about half the year, but thinking back to living in Texas, it's kind of crummy there as well, just really hot.  During the summer we have "official" MOPS (mother's of preschoolers) play dates every other week.  If you are a stay-at-home mom and don't have a group of mommy friends, try and find a MOPS group.  I have made some precious and wonderful friends because of being in MOPS.

I volunteered to coordinate one this summer and I chose to go to Luisenpark in Mannheim.  I LOVE this park.  There are tons of playgrounds, animals, birds, etc.  We also have season passes so my ticket is already paid for.  Children 6 and under are free.  Caden had a wonderful time with his friends and I had a wonderful time with mine.  We spent 4 hours there and could have spent longer.  We still didn't see everything today.  Usually I go for photo shoots and Collin and Caden come along too so Caden can play.  It was nice going just to have fun and getting to watch Caden have a good time. 

Also, we hit a first today.  Caden used the public potty at Luisenpark!  I was so proud of him!  We have been slowly potty training and this was the first time he used the potty in public that I knew for sure he went.  He asked to go at church a few Sundays ago but I couldn't tell if he actually went or not.  When we went to see our friends, the Wallaces, who just had their 3rd baby, he asked to use the potty at the hospital.  I'm not sure if he actually went there either.  Collin took him and couldn't tell.  We're taking it slow with the potty training as I'm really in no huge rush. 

Here are some pictures from our playdate.

Caden with Addison and Nate drumming on a log

Checking out the goats

Caden loves penguins.  He tried opening the locked gate to get in there with them.

They have a lot of penguins at Luisenpark

Some of the kids admiring the rabbits

Our friend, Salina, had her third baby early Sunday morning.  We went to see them on Monday.  Jonathan is a cute little baby.  This was her first child to have in Germany.  She was induced last Wednesday and when Germans induce women, it goes a lot slower than if you're induced in the States.  Overall, she had a great experience and ended up having a successful, drug-free labor, minus the induction drugs.  This was her first non-epidural birth and she did great!  Not what she had planned, but it worked out well.

Our friend, Tricia, came to visit around the same time we did. 
Salina is holding her precious son.

I got to hold him too!  Caden likes babies.

Caden's waving to Jonathan

A Day in the Life of a Stay-at-Home Mama!

I decided to document my day yesterday to share with Collin.  I'm always telling him about what Caden and I do but don't usually take pictures to go along with it.  Collin suggested I blog about it.  So here is what a typical day at our house looks like.

The night before I set out trays of activities.  I just started the doing toddler trays, which I'll explain in a later post.  It basically keeps things organized and allows me to rotate different educational activities for Caden as well as his toys.

I have 4 main activites for Caden to do in the cubes on the right

During breakfast we usually say a memory verse.
Then we start our day out with Calendar Time -
we go over the months of the year, days of the week, weather, etc.
I got this cool magnetic calendar from Oriental Trading Company

The first thing Caden wanted to do was play with the sensory box.
We read Bugs! Bugs! Bugs! Then he got to play with the bugs.

Then Caden wanted to paint.  He chose the Dot Paint - love this stuff!

Then he saw some birds or something interesting outside.

Once he put up the dot paint, he wanted to play
the Teddy Mix & Match Game

After about 5 minutes he decided to dump the all the pieces out,
put them back in the box, dump them out again, get the instructions,
then do a yoga stance and look over the instructions.

Then we went to the library and played at the park for about 30 minutes.
Since I didn't take pictures there I'll post a picture from yesterday.
See our new swing set?  Caden decided to wear his rain boots when
we went outside.

After we ran a few errands and met Collin for lunch, we came
home and Caden went to work on his last tray activity for the day.
He had three animal puzzles to complete.  He named the animals,
made the sound of the animal (if it makes one), and we read two
bilingal animal books.  These books are English/Spanish. I need to
find more English/German kids books.

Then we headed upstairs for free-play, let mommy get some work done, and play basketball. While I was upstairs working on something, Caden went downstairs.  I came downstairs to this - Caden eating Gold Fish in the living room.  We don't eat in the living room and yesterday he had climbed up on the kitchen counter and grabed some Ritz crackers and sat happily on the couch eating them.  Today he said, "eating Gold Fish Crackers by the couch."  I asked him where we eat food and he picked up the Gold Fish and ran to the kitchen.

Caden took the Gold Fish, sat on the floor in the kitchen and started spinning around in circles.

After giving Caden a snack, I decided to bring out one more activity.  I had him color sort some pom poms.  He did a great job lining them up by color.  I bought this ice cube tray from IKEA for 1 Euro and was waiting to put it on one of the trays. 

Seeing Caden complete something he's never done before is one of the most rewarding parts of my day.  I will probably add this activity to tomorrow's fun.

I hope you enjoyed a glimpse of my day as a stay-at-home mom.  We're always busy, always learning, and always having fun.  I usually only have about 4 eductional activities to do per day.  Then he gets plenty of free time to play and explore.  We also try and get out of the house at least once per day.  Sometimes it involves errands, other days going to the park, the pool, and visitng friends. The whole idea with the trays is to keep him working on skills I want him to master, allow him to complete an activity and learn to put it away once he's done.   

To read about Friday's activities, click here.